Hon Kong High Jinx
James Long relives a plane trip that turned into a very long haul indeed
Kai tak air port, hon kong. Friday, 10.45 pm: the 747 is
packed and it’s minutes after the secheduled departure time. The captain tells
us passenger has been arrested at emigration, and they need to find bags in the
hold before we can fly, when we discover he has a false passport, we all agree.
11.15 pm: I’m afraid this is turing into a bitof saga,
Ladies and gentleman. We haven’t been able to find the bags so we have to
offload all the containers and search them. That means that the crew will
exceed its maximum hours and we’ll have to organize a stop-over somewhere in Europe
to take on a replacement crew.
11.55 pm: you’ll be pleased to hear we have now found and
removed the suspect bags. Unfortunaly, we haven’t yet been able to organize another
crew.
Midnight : as the clock strikes, kai tak airport turns into a
pumkin and shuts down for the night. The crew go off to bed, the first and
second class passengers are taken to the nearby Airport Hotel and the economy class begin a mystery tour.
Saturday, 2.30 pm: In the hotel foyer the scene is dreadful.
We are being asked to share rooms with total strangers. I am travelling with a
colleague. ‘Double room’ they insist. I point out she is of a different sex and
we’ve only known each other a week.
3.30 am: Those shouting loudest are being given rooms
first. I finally get one. Now everyone wants to call the UK to rearrange
disrupted schedules. Our hosts regard this as unreasonable and far to
expensive. We can’t even call at our own cost because they’ve locked the
phones. At last we reach a compromise. We are to be allowed a three minute call
each. Isn’t that what prisoners get?
11.30am: We check out. The hotel tries to argue that my
phone call was 31 seconds longer than agreed.
2.55pm : with five minutes to take-off, the captain comes on
intercom. You can tell from the way he clears his throat that he is not
relishing this. ‘I’m very sorry indeed to tell you that we have minor avionics
problem. We are doing our very best to fix it and I’ll keep you informed. ‘A
disaster movie camaraderie has seized most of the passengers. Y colleague
claims they’re all working out whom they’d sleep with first. I’m trying to
decide which one I’d eat.
5.55pm : by now we’re all familiar with Boing 747-40’s fuel system.
The tail tank isn’t talking to the wing tanks, so the plane would probably belly-flop
on take-off unless they can fix it. They pump fuel out, move the freight around
to balance it, and eventually solve the problem by phoning Boing in Seattle.
6.00pm : We’re ready to go…. To copenhage. Yes, the crew’s a;;owable
hours of work are once again running out.
11.45pm, Copenhagen : our inflight magazine says they are
trying to win the hearts and minds of travelers because an airline interacts
with its consumers over long periods of time.
We’re on the ground at Copenhagen, over 32 hours into our
14-hours flight, saying goodbye to a crew which has been interacting with its
consumers for much longer than the training course ever anticipated, with
unrelenting cheerfulness. The new crew arrive fully briefed ; they’re expecting
a rebellion. Our new captain says we are taking off in five minutes. Almost
immediately, the light go out: Dimeregency lighting comes on. In the gloom, the
captain’s voice echoes over the speaker. He seems much older. ‘Ladies and
Gentlemen, we do seem to have a small problem with the electrical system’.
Midight: ‘Ladies and Gentlemen. This is one of nicest
messages you’ve ever heard. Cabin crew, doors to automatic please.’
Sunday, 1.30am: we land at Heathrow 37 hours after chehcking
in at Hong Kong. I bully the airline into providing a car to drive me home. Is
it churlish of me to mention that the driver claims never to have driven in the
dark and grinds to a halt every time a
car comes the other way? By the time I get to bed at 4.30am I’m feeling pretty
churlish.
unit 3: Nightmare journeys
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